Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Letter to Chi at Six (12-11-08)

I wrote this awhile ago and have no idea why it took so long to post...

My dearest Chi,

You are a mere week away from your sixth birthday.

When you were born, my world changed.
At 23-years-old I had no idea how special, how perfect being entrusted with a child's life could be. I didn't realize what an honor it was to be in "Club Mommy" or just how important that membership was. You might even say that though I had a full life filled with education and travel, I had experienced nothing so thrilling, challenging, and fulfilling as being a mother.
I spend my pregnancy trying to picture what you'd be like - would you look like me? Might you resemble your father? I prayed you'd be beautiful (He answers prayer). I prayed for your health and happiness (and always will). And I hoped you'd be brilliant (and you know, baby, I think you're my little genius).
And then you were here.
And every hour, every day, every week, every year since then I have been blessed by your very existence. I am defined by your presence in my life.
For six years you have blessed me with the purest love I've ever known. You have accepted me as your Mom - despite my overwhelming flaws - and have greeted each new day with me with a positive word, a warm hug, or (my favorite) a kiss. I'm not ever going to be perfect - you already know that (and sometimes you point it out when I pretend to be). Yet you excuse my missteps in parenting and force me to improve.

No matter how long the week, how bad the weather, or how low my spirits, I am always grateful for you, my angel on earth.

I look forward to your every "I love you."
(I love YOU times infinity plus two, I love you more my sweet baby, I do...)

And now, you tell me, you're not a baby anymore. My sweet little girl is a big kid. You have your own style (always have, really). You are independent (making your own meals, decorating the house, planning your own birthday party (YIKES!), arranging adventures). You are brave (can I have some of that courage from you?). You are loving (selfless is what comes to mind). You are bright (the explanations for the things you encounter are priceless). And you are beautiful (a smile to make all who meet you smitten, a personality that lures us in, and a spirit worthy of Heaven).

At times I have to wonder if I had any part in just how special you are to this world. Did I have any influence on the young woman you are quickly becoming?

Certainly I could have planned things for us a little bit better. I know you miss your father and want to know who he is beyond a phone call. Someday, perhaps, you'll have that chance. I know that sometimes Mama's too "busy with the business of baby." I'm trying not to be. And I know that there are so many things you wish you could do, things you'd like to have, that I just cannot afford. I'm praying that one day I'll be able to give those things to you.

And as these years pass quickly by, I hope I can capture time in pictures, in words, in a simple scrap book page. Will you look back at these special books and see how much you are loved? Will you show them to your children, your grandchildren someday?

Chi, if you remember nothing else about your first six years of life, remember this: Mommy adores you, cherishes you, loves you, needs you. I have since the moment I knew you were growing inside me. I will forever more.

1 comment:

Joy Howse said...

WOW, that was great and something Chi will cherish when she is old enough to appreciate it.