"MOMMY GONE TOO BIG"

That's what he said to Oma on Wednesday about my first extended absence since Chi was born in 2002.  Yes, it's been that long since I've planned, arranged, and followed through with a trip of any kind that would pull me away from my children.

And it was hard.  Hard to be away and enjoy the surreal experience that was Furious Flower #3. Hard to be selfish for an entire week and focus on myself and my art.  Hard to think about the possibility that my kids didn't really need me as much as I pretend they do.  Hard.

When you're the 24-7 parent like I am, relinquishing control over your babies is just not something lightly done.  Sure, I can leave them for a few hours while I take a class or report to some child-not-allowed meeting or something, but I've tried really hard to be there at every goodnight and every good morning - - even if they're not awake when I get home to say it.

But, we survived the week.  I didn't call everyday.  And no one answered the phone the few times I did call.  Chi phoned me at some point to give me the report that all was well. (Ya doing well without nightnights, she's enjoying the week at Oma's work).  I got a few check in text messages, and sobbed when I saw the one informing me that Ya whispered "Mommy gone too big."  Yes, I'm a sap.

When I surprised Chi with my homecoming (despite assuring her I'd be home Saturday), she jumped into my arms.  This was no small feat considering she is nearly my height.  She then rushed me to the computer lab, switched on YouTube (Bruno Mars: Just the way you are) and proceeded to seranade me with the song she'd obviously been practicing for awhile.  I, of course, cried my eyes out.

So often they remind me that I'm not worthy of such awesome children.  How'd I get to be so lucky?

Yadon - who was out walking the dogs when I arrived - came home shortly after.  He was asleep when Oma walked him in.  And when he woke up, I was certain I'd have an awesome hug and a smiling face.  Instead, he punched me.  Several times.  Welcome home, Mommy.